Imagine I write this post with no trace of anger in my voice. It’s true.
This year the American media covered Inaugural fashion in perhaps more depth than usual. We read about which designers Kamala Harris and Dr. Jill Biden wore to the COVID Memorial ceremony; we watched as the Biden family, the Harrises and the Emhoffs, and Hillary Clinton came down the steps of the Capitol, in purple, plum, lavender, pink, and goldenrod. JLo and Lady Gaga and Amanda Gorman performed in a white pantsuit, embellished black dress, and yellow blazer with a red headband, respectively. And oh yeah Joe Biden wore Ralph Lauren and Garth Brooks a cowboy hat. We don’t know what Bill Clinton wore but we’re glad he kept his pants on. Oops, sorry.
Two ideas, related.
First, Inauguration morning, Sarah, a friend and classmate of mine (@SarahFRobinson, a good environmental follow on Twitter) sent me a photo of herself in pearls, accompanied by the hashtag #pearlsforkamala. So I put on a necklace my husband gave me, and the earrings I had bought for my mother in her last year. That shirt counts as pajamas.
I posted on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, and many of you replied in kind. Thank you so much. It felt amazing, to be among women, celebrating in ornaments that were in other decades purely, well, ornamental. And I loved all the different pearls, some so dark green that they appeared black, some strung on chains all artsy and intermittent, some lush and decorous like Queen Elizabeth’s. (Related: this old post of mine.)
Second, and also on Inauguration morning, someone on Twitter wrote something like, “Can’t we stop talking about women’s fashion?” And without thinking I replied something like, “No,” because it occurred to me that I no longer want to fit in at the tables of rulers. I don’t want to blur out women’s fashion or other cultures to see power clearly. (Do you remember this other post of mine, back when?)
I began this blog trying to explicate my WASP culture, and it turned into unpicking how our culture underlays the traditional symbols of power-dressing in America. Navy blue, not too fancy shoes, and, yes, the sedate but not-too-girly, not-too-much pearls. “Too much.” But too much what? We can imagine.
I have been thinking about the cost of “fitting in” ever since I made the effort to broaden my Twitter and Instagram feeds to include more people of color. Since it is not my place to generalize, let me talk about one woman. A couple of years ago I followed Carmeon Hamilton, a Black interior designer in Tennessee. Her aesthetic was different than that of my WASP-y childhood: my broadened feed immediately valuable. But what has stuck with me is the way she sets boundaries. For example, if you want to ask her a question, she tells you to greet her first. “Good morning, Carmeon, can I ask you where you got that incredible rattan cabinet?” As I said, it is not for me to publicly hypothesize about why an American Black woman might be good at setting boundaries, but everything I privately imagine is difficult.
Following this thought, when you are welcome to sit next to power, do you have to give up some of your own? More directly, did WASP women trade personal power for the inherited?
Sturdy Gals don’t believe in regret. Instead, let us imagine that women are done inching their way to inclusion. What if now, or soon, soon, we have enough power where we stand to dig our heels into the earth and say, “No, you come here.”
What if the next male president we elect wears pearls? Or, take something I inherited from my mother, who was given it by my father. Double-WASP! It looks like a medal. For good hair days? Comforting hugs in times of sorrow? Excellent stroganoff? All of which require skills and traits that might make good leaders.
Maybe we won’t see this in my lifetime. And pearls aren’t what matter most. But Joe Biden cried during one of his speeches. I value leaders who can express strong Not-Rage emotion (traditionally the realm of women) more than sea jewels.
Magnets and metal. Either can move.
Have a wonderful weekend, decorative and decorated for service.
35 Responses
“Sturdy gals don’t believe in regret.” Thank you for articulating everything I’ve been thinking this week.
@Carolyn Todd, You are very, very welcome. Thank you for reading.
Thank you for this beautiful post. And thank you for pulling together in a coherent way so many thoughts that have been meandering through my own mind.
@Mardel, You are welcome, and thank you so much for keeping company here all these years.
Women unafraid to look conventionally feminine, wielding power in pink and purple and sparkles. I also saw a few on the dais at the inauguration unafraid to project a preference for simplicity and muted colors and flat shoes (I can’t be the only person who noticed a de facto dress code for women in the previous administration). It’s been quite a week, and I’m glad I got to see it. I’m even more glad that my daughters did.
@Kristina, Yes, the goal has to be that everyone can find a way to express themselves in comfort and in context, whatever that may mean for each person and each job.
You had me at “I value leader who can express strong Not-Rage emotion, traditionally the realm of women . . .” I worry that our image of leadership has so long been conflated with a certain kind of masculinity (of which we have seen more than enough, especially in the last four years). I’m not sure how, or even if, we can enlarge our unfortunately prevalent unconscious belief that in order to survive we must put our trust in bullies who are good at threatening (and causing) harm to others, even when they aren’t good at anything else, because that is the kind of leaders who are dominating the world and against whom we must fight, and it takes one to know one, etc., etc., etc. It will take a lot of stubborn persistence to insist on a revisioning of leadership. And of strength. I’m crossing my fingers that we can do this.
@Marsha Calhoun, So eloquent. I am crossing my fingers, and putting aside rose-tinted glasses, because often when one person lets down their guard, others may step in to take advantage. It’s going to have to be slow, and shared.
Yes, let’s talk about clothes, and pearls and a strong woman Vice President. “I’m speaking!” I say we can have it all.
@Sandra Sallin, If you say it, I’m in!
I agree. We can talk about anything we want to talk about–even if it is seen as just being in th
realm of women from before they even attempted to approach power. If we enjoy fashion, we can talk about it.
I was too busy on Inauguration Day to get out my pearls that were put away at the beginning of the pandemic. But, I enjoyed seeing everyone wearing them.
Fabulous post Lisa. Keep them coming ! I do miss your discussions of a high wasp life. I hope you will return to those topics someday. It’s part of YOUR culture and we need to broaden our understandings.
@Susan D., Thank you. The realm of women is inviting men in, that’s inclusion! And I truly wonder, do I have anything left to say about the High WASP life? Maybe just stories to tell friends, out to dinner one night.
My wife, 18 year old granddaughter and I dressed in evening attire for the Inauguration ceremony. It was great fun for all of us to dress and celebrate the occasion~ something that was much needed.
@Susan L, Sounds like a perfect celebration:).
Beautifully written, Lisa!
I was so intent on watching the inaugural ceremonies that I missed the pearl thing. I’ll catch up this week. ;-)
But yes, power in pearls, in a gorgeous coat, in the expression of a range of human emotions. In rejecting the notion that “feminine” means “less powerful.”
@Susan Blakey, Thank you, Sue! And exactly, that “feminine,” whatever that comes to mean as we evolve, has to mean “less powerful” in any way.
I loved the colours and individual styles on most of the two Potus and VP families
but can’t understand the need for stilettos and nude stockings on Ms. Harris and Dr Biden. It was -2 Celsius! Where were the women’s hats (only JoLo had a beret) and warm boots? Or even flatter shoes? These poor ladies were on their feet all day and sitting or walking outside. This was cold weather, even for us northerners (I am Canadian).
Ms. Harris has an amazing of sense of style and walks the WH sartorial line with great dignity, but I love her look best in converse shoes. She looks like a woman who Gets Things Done. I do understand this was a ultra formal occasion, but like Bernie Saunders, I think practical is important. I hope that women of power can soon wear more comfortable, but equally interesting formal wear, especially since Covid has changed so much about our wardrobes.
@Janet Urquhart, Yes! I did keep wondering, where were everyone’s hats! And also why on earth they wore those shoes. Although Hillary wore what looked like Mephisto boots or some such. On the other hand, I was applauding the diversity of choices too. I also wonder how we will dress when we all finally emerge from quarantine.
I too enjoyed the colors and symbolism of Inauguration Day attire (shout-out to Michelle Obama’s this-is-what-a-boss-looks-like burgundy ensemble). But I’m equally impressed by Jen Psaki, the new White House press secretary, and her monochrome, minimal-makeup, quietly interesting self-presentation, which focuses all our attention on her warmth, her intelligence, and her authority. Yesterday I tweeted: “How refreshing to see a WH press secretary who dresses for work and not for bottomless mimosas at the Rusty Scupper.” A little catty, yeah, but if the stiletto fits…
@Nancy Friedman, I was overjoyed to see a press secretary who is intelligent, articulate, open, and respectful of the press, but I have to admit that I immediately noticed that her dress fit, rather than being too small!
@Nancy Friedman, I too was in some ways most moved by Jen Psaki, because, simply, she told the truth. Not that she told us everything, politics is politics, need to know is need to know. But she did not lie.
I was a little teary when Kamala was sworn in… I wondered if we would ever have a woman Vice President. I do love all the non Barbie looks of this administration. And Michelle Obama was amazing – beautiful and powerful. Thank you for your words!
@Elizabeth, I was teary off and on throughout. Thank you for reading!
Just for the record (and since no one else has mentioned it): I’ve read several news articles mentioning that wearing pearls is a sign of sisterhood among the members of Alpha Kappa Alpha, the first Black college sorority, which Kamala Harris joined while she was an undergraduate at Howard University.
@Victoire, Yes, I read that too! I appreciate her honoring that community.
Your views are strong and cogent. I loved Lady Gaga’s outfit because she feels free to be herself. In a different way, I was thinking the same about Garth Brooks.
I am finally reaching a point where I can genuinely be myself whether in fashion or otherwise. Maybe there are some good things about aging.
Luci
@luci, Thank you. I love the corollary you draw between Gaga and Brooks. Yes, that is the good part of aging, if you are able you can take the time to understand yourself and double down on being her.
What a beautiful post. I feel as if there’s this collective movement into strength away from endurance post-inauguration. Rather than having to bear up and endure, we are now able to stand tall with the strength the last four years have given us.
It’s been so heartening to see how you’ve chosen to re-examine both privilege the concept and Privilege the blog over time. I believe true WASP ideology is a dedication to self-improvement and good, solid principles. It isn’t to be unchanging; it’s to be committed to learning and growing that one may be of greater service to herself and others. Despite four years of unbelievable selfishness and cruelty at the administrative level, you’ve opened your heart and shown exceptional kindness. That is true strength.
@Angela, This is beautiful, “this collective movement into strength away from endurance post-inauguration.”
Your remark that the change in this blog, and me, really, heartens you, comes at the perfect time. I know I have stretched the patience and attention of my readers, moving from tongue-in-cheek tales of WASP life, to style, and then to this amalgam now of personal essays and house/garden/fashion. You are right, my family values, most of all, the effort to do a good job. The job I want to do here is communicate about that which matters to me in a way that is worth the effort to read. So it means a lot to know that the stuff I can’t help but write still finds an audience. Thank you.
There was something dignified, yet homespun (thinking of Bernie Sanders and his mittens) about the Inauguration that was so uplifting. First, it took place safely, surely a great worry after the terrible events a fortnight previously. Secondly, everyone behaved with great respect for the event and its significance in American history. For example, there was the invitation and respect shown for Mike Pence, who, whatever you may think of his politics, still symbolizes the peaceful transfer of power, despite the agony that went before it. At the last minute, at considerable cost to himself, he did do the right thing, and was instrumental in this peaceful transfer. There was also the poignant choice of Capital Police officer Goodman – who almost singlehandedly protected the Senators in chamber from the howling mob – to accompany the Vice President.
Goodman also did the right thing, at considerable risk to himself.
There was also the symbolism of the colours chosen, yes, even the jewellery, but nothing ostentatious. On a humorous note, I see that the fashion reporters dutifully described the ties and the suits worn by the gentlemen. Is this a step towards equality – clothes maketh the man, as I believe Shakespeare said?
Why not just celebrate, men and women alike, using our clothes as the outward manifestation of a renewal of our spirits?
Yes!! I too have been thinking about this. Being recently retired I have been thinking about how corporations have worked to increase the number of diverse hires but then basically said, “OK, now you be like us and follow our mores and standards.” NO. The value of diversity is that we ALL begin to expand – and to liberate ourselves, from so very much that has weighed us down.
Phew.
Thank you for your post.
Small but important detail – the top of Lady Gaga’s gown by Schiaperelli was navy blue cashmere, not black, tying in the symbolism of red (bottom of the gown), white (headband) and blue.
Amen!
(to all of this, everything)
I decided to find my own pearls this morning and, in doing so, came across some of my mum’s which I had put away safely and, as you do, completely forgotten them. Later I am going to send her granddaughters and great-granddaughters each an item as there are enough to go around. I found my own but can’t undo the clasp…there goes the afternoon…And I am wearing a pair of my mum’s pearl earrings today. She had good taste.
Im sure Biden can cry, or tap-dance, or anything else he is told to do. But the ones that are really crying are working class Americans. Of course, millennials are starting to catch on a bit, as they see their job opportunities go for good. That 600 bucks didn’t last very long, and nothing else is coming. It’s funny, but my younger friends are so used to having everything, they can’t picture things going really wrong. I have a feeling they are going to find out. Then they may not be so eager to give up their future so that foreigners can have a helping. And older people are going to find all about what happens to people on a fixed income when minimum wage goes up, and the government starts printing money.
So far, all I have seen out of Biden are prepared statements written by his team, all while the rest of his party chokes on their own hate of Trump.
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