The past few days I’ve had a houseguest. Frances, of Materfamilias, came to stay.
Time to explain that she’s my writing partner. For the past year we’ve been sending each other sections of our longform writing projects. I won’t speak for her, but I’ve relied on the structure of our timeline, the sharing, and the feedback to get this phase done. I doubt I’d have finished the novel’s first draft without our relationship.
I wanted to work with Frances for the same reasons I read her blog – she’s thoughtful, well-read, questioning, and loves a good metallic oxford. Seemed we’d be well-suited. And with the goal being simply to finish, we kept our feedback very light. I was prone to sending my sections accompanied by questions such as:
- Is this totally terrible? Do you just want to stop reading?
- Is this part now too arty?
- Do I need to add guns?
She answered me carefully every time, as though my anxieties were more than blots of mustard as per Scrooge.
As it turned out, discussed our writing, some. But over two nights and days of companionship, of course we talked about other things. I just want to note that you can make friends over digital media. And when you see them in person, an infrastructure will have been built that means you don’t have to start at the standard beginning. It’s a different way to grow a friendship, sure, not identical to living down the street or up the road, still true.
On Thursday we took a hike. That’s Frances, in the photo above, after we’d climbed the final hill. Turned out, as I took her photo, she was sketching me.
How’s that for redefining the media of friendship?
Have a wonderful weekend, with, if you like, friends.
37 Responses
It was a wonderful two days, thank you! And the process overall has been so satisfying, so structuring and encouraging—like you, I doubt I’d have completed my Rough First Draft without your partnership. And then the hospitality and the friendship…. xoxo
@Frances, xoxox :)
What a wonderful story
It is amazing how one can find friends half a globe away
I’m happy for you both-have a lovely weekend,too
Dottoressa
@Dottoressa, Hello! And you of course have met Frances too! Croatia sounds so tempting:).
@Dottoressa,
That would be nice :-)
D.
OMG – what an awesome adventure. Do you see how amazing retirement is?!?! You can travel to see friends and/or have bandwidth to host friends while you discuss your freakin’ books in progress and, in between, pursue your other hobbies with good conversation. Don’t try to tell me it isn’t the best thing ever!! :-)
@K-Line, I have the opposite opinion of retirement. At almost 69, I am still working full-time, long hours, and I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t still work. Nothing else that I do is as interesting as working for me. And at this point it is saving me, as I have several major problems.
@K-Line, I think you are both right! Retirement and work are both awesome in their way. But @Marie, I am so sorry for your troubles:(.
@K-Line, Marie: I too am sorry that you are having problems! But the fact that you can take solace in your work is a very good thing. Not dissing the workers (at any age or stage) :-) It’s just that I’m working constantly these days and I am not a workaholic by personality. I’m more of a homebody introvert who wants to do her own thing!
For some reason it makes me very happy to think of the two of you together, especially writing! I am looking forward to reading the long projects – if they are going to be publicly available?
@Marie, Aw, so nice:). I am going to revise this for second draft, solicit more feedback from a few more people, and look for an agent. We shall see! Frances is still thinking…
I follow the both of you online and your post just made me so happy!Our world is so big yet so small.
@Susan L, So big, so small, and so much better with friends we can make happy!
I’ve read both your blogs for years and just love that you’re friends IRL. I can see why – you’re both intelligent, honest and prepared to grapple with the hard stuff, be it climbing crunchy hills or facing the curve balls that life hurls at us all. And you generously share lots of stuff with many people you’ll never meet. Enjoy the rest of your weekend xx
@Maria, Thank you so much. Definitely some companionable sharing about grappling with the hard stuff. Hope your weekend is good too.
I’m just jealous that she gets to read your book before the rest of us!
@MaryAnne, :).
In all seriousness, I will be asking 4-5 more people to read the revised version – to get feedback to think about any final changes before submitting to agents.
It is a HUGE ask, so I will likely only reach out to people I know. But, if anyone really really really wants to take this on, let me know:).
@Lisa, I’d love to get an early look at your book, but as I’m a scientist and definitely not a writer, I would not be able to provide useful feedback!
For some absurd reason, this post makes me smile.
Thank you both for a lot of reading pleasure….
Ali
@Ali, xoxoxoxox!
How lovely that the two of you are working together. You are both so smart both inside and out. What a lovely combination.
@Sandra Sallin – Apart From My Artr, Thank you! :)
This is quite lovely.
@Liz, Thank you xoxox.
That is just so wonderful
@Mardel, Aw:). Come back to CA!
Lisa, There is a vulnerability in your blog that I appreciate. The scaffolding for your writing may or may not last.
Trust yourself what you have is yours.
Luci
@luci, I thank you, but, I admit, I could use a little more explication! Scaffolding being?
A lovely post! So many ways to find friendships.
@Susan, Thank you! Sometimes I feel we can be really lucky:).
So lovely that you actually got to spend time together. How many times do we say, “Oh, we must get together.”, and it never happens–even with dear, close friends—and you did it with a virtual friend!
By the way, I like what Luci said, “Trust yourself what you have is yours.” Forgive me, Luci, if I misunderstood but I think she’s cautioning you about too much “editing” from others on the final version. Trust your instincts.
@Gail, Ah, OK, thank you for the guidance. I can be a little dense sometimes:. It was wonderful to spend time with Frances.
Hi Lisa and greetings also to Mater if she’s still with you in SF. I recognized Mater’s picture and wonder if you’re paying her a visit but surprise, surprise…and may I say what a wonderful surprise it is to read that you are each other’s writing partner. It is what I call a win win situation. I’m going to curb my urge to gush by just saying, I can’t wait to get both your books into my “grubby little hands” and start reading. And don’t be too scared my hands are perfectly manicured with the usual clear polish. :) Awesome! Excellent! yeah, yeah, yeah… xxx Amelia Amelia
So important and helpful when you work alone, without deadlines, etc. to have a partner, a critique group, or some outside imposed structure, to not only get feedback from, but also to help move yourself along. I’m very happy you found each other and wish you both success on your writing projects. xo
How wonderful for both of you.
As I commented on Mater’s blog: now that I know you were writing partners, it appears totally natural, although it did not occur to me before. I am glad for both of you that you were able to support each other. And I agree with many of the comments above that it is both amazing and wonderful to meet somebody in the virtual world and then be able to become friends IRL.
This is all too exciting! I would love to read it, but I would just love it and that would not be helpful.
Are we in it? ;)
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