Blogging is episodic; life continues. Let us revisit some issues.
- Slippers. I considered them here, I bought the Glerups as recommended by Mater, Saga and Dani, I am deeply in love. Seriously, they’re better than barefoot. Buy at least a size smaller than usual, maybe two, the wool stretches and conforms to your dimensions. Feels like someone’s kissing my feet. Huh. That’s a nice image.
- Pajamas. We scoffed at expensive sweatpants here, I bought a cohort of colorful flannel pajamas like these instead. They are now all gone I’ve moved on to neutral UNIQLO sweatpants and matching tees. I feel chic and minimalist because, apparently, I satisfy very easily.
- Swimming. I did it! Twice, two weeks ago. Not at all last week–too much other stuff. Next week, I plan to go again. The truth is, I liked it. No one is as surprised as I. BTW the J. Crew suit didn’t work for me, I need more structure around the bust, and also I need sleeves as the pool is outside. However, those are but purchases, the experience is on its way.
- My father’s health. He’s been in the hospital again, a recurrence of Guillain-Barre he had last fall. The good news is that they caught it earlier this time, due in no small part to Dad’s understanding of his own symptomatology. He came home today. I feel so lucky in my parents. My father at 88 is one of the most curious people I know, always learning, always thinking, always open to growth. I have something to learn from the way he considers knowledge for each piece unto itself, not just for the skein of thoughts provoked.
- Which brings us oddly to my hair. It has gotten even longer, and more white/silver. When I visited the hospital last week one of his nurses thought I was his sister. While I am OK about looking 62, I am not happy to be taken for 80. Thinking again about a haircut, and, possibly, color. Although egads I hate, hate, hate that process.
- Mom’s service. Mom died in March, her ashes are here in my house, we’ll hold her memorial next Saturday. It may feel strange to read about ashes in a list that also considers pajamas, but such is life. My mother’s death has become an ordinary part of my consciousness, even as I am finding it plays out in extraordinary ways through my self and being. I have let my subconscious buy a navy blue dress and a pair of ridiculously comfortable black pumps to wear to the service. Probably, also, pearls.
- My book. Still editing. If anyone’s curious I’m happy to expound another day.
- Flowers in pots. That persistent flamboyant gardenia bloomed last night. I do not deserve my vegetation. And this morning I saw a Western swallowtail, 4 inches across, pale yellow, four black stripes on each wing, nectaring in my fuchsia. I realize that my life would not have been complete without that sight; not that it is now, but at this age to see something so regular and yet feels so remarkable, what great good fortune.
9. As previously, have a wonderful weekend.
Some links may generate commissions. But not the clothes I’m wearing to my mother’s service because I have flaws but am not a monster.
46 Responses
I’m 68 and have had silver hair for a good fifteen years
and made the error of coloring it after someone’s comment and hated it immediately. Embrace your silver and get a smashing new haircut. This woman’s opinion!
@Holly, It’s a good opinion. I think you might be right. A new haircut might work wonders.
Lisa how beautifully you string together seemingly disparate subject matter. Life, death, comfort, aging and beauty. Each topic resonates with me for different reasons. I am grateful to be reminded that I am not alone as I both grapple with and savior each moment.
Luci
@luci, Thank you very much. I think maybe as we age our perspective shows these things to be more alike than we might have known when we were young. What do you think?
Several years ago I went to a pool party and remembered how much
I enjoy being in the water. Other than when we are traveling, I’m at the pool at least 3 and sometimes 4 or 5 times a week. A wonderful treat I make sure I do for myself. Also, for suits, I have had great success with Land’s End tugless tanks.
@Pat, I guess I could wear a suit and a rashguard, rather than a suit with sleeves, as others have wisely suggested and I just kind of ignored (ha!)
I love your random lists, Lisa. I think it’s good that processing your mother’s death (and her life and illness) is an everyday part of your thoughts. Natural. The other day I found myself thinking about my high school friend, recently ordained as a minister at age 63 (isn’t that cool?), and how I’d ask her to preside (is that the word I want?) at my mum’s funeral. And how that would be lovely. When the time comes, of course.Since Mum is very frail but very much alive at ninety-two (almost). Speaking of which, I must go order her some new murder mysteries.
P.S. I’ve been inspired by your randomness, I think. xo
P.P.S. Want to hear ALL about your book.
@Sue Burpee, It is cool that your friend has taken that step. And I look forward to your list of murder mysteries! I loved the ones with the grumpy British woman cop, whose name I can’t remember;).
Slipper twins! Yay!
And I’m another voice enjoying the randomness — I never tire of quoting Kim Stafford: “Coherence is born of random abundance,” and I find ample coherence and serendipity in what you’ve amassed here.
I checked out the shoes and the dress — classic elegance that I presume your mother would call “good-looking.”
@Frances, Slipper twins:). They have been good for my Achilles! And I’m glad you enjoy the randomness, I meant to catch up, to follow up on things I’d said or asked and act for a moment as though we had all run into each other at the supermarket and just checked in:).
Yes, the hope is exactly that mother would have found my outfit good-looking. And also I think, for me to acknowledge that she wouldn’t have cared what I wore, might in fact have loved that wild Dries van Noten dress, and that the ghosts of appropriate were born from my worries not her prescriptions per se.
I can’t imagine someone thinking that you are the age of your dad. I love your silver hair (of course, as I do not color my hair I am possibly not completely objective).
@Jeannine, Who among us is ever completely objective? :)
And the nurse was from another country of origin, and culture, so I am hoping she simply wasn’t used to white hair on someone in their sixties…
For swimming, try the Reebok high neck one piece. I wear it for water aerobics and it keeps my 34Gs snug and secure. Good luck with the swimming!
@Leslie, Thank you!
Lisa
Sending much love as you support dad through his illness and remember mum at her service.
I had a smile when I read about your hair angst. It’s a different story when you are Chinese. There comes a time in your lateish forties when your hairdresser starts making tactful suggestions about the plan going forward for lighter hair….
It’s well and truly begun for me.
SSG xxx
@Sydney Shop Girl, Thank you:). Do I understand then that your hairdresser advises you to cover your grays? Or let them emerge?
Hope your Dad is on the mend.
Don’t worry about being mistaken for his sister. You probably looked like hell, which is what a person is supposed to look like when they’re visiting their 89 y/o parent who is sick, and so soon after the loss of your mother!
@RoseAG, Probably the only time that being told I must have looked like hell has been a comfort to me. ROTFLOL.
Vanessa Rockey at Alova salon. Great haircuts and if you color, she will tell you up front if it will work or not and the maintenance needed and the type of color that will work.
@Jen, Thank you. I am collecting a set of recommendations for local hair people. Much appreciated.
I love your hair. So sorry about your dad’s health. Enjoyed all the randomness. We can’t be overly precise all the time. I’m currently on the back deck listening to all the birds around here. Satisfaction for sure.
May the rest of your weekend be happy.
@MaryAnne, We surely cannot be overly precise all the time. xox.
I am 64 and face the – do i don’t i – dilemma about continuing to dye my hair. I have studied a lot of women over the past year, and I think that grey hair needs a great cut and great conditioning to look good. Still grey does age one, as does hair dyed dark. The best older women I’ve seen have soft blonde.
Hello Lisa, I am sorry to hear that your father has been having more health problems. Please send him my best wishes for a swift recovery.
Concerning your novel, we are all agog to hear the latest news about your writing adventures, and what issues you are encountering with a major project like yours.
–Jim
Random topics feels like having a conversation with a friend.
Glad your dad is recovering.
Gotta try those slippers. They sound wonderful.
Did you ever pick a new purse?
Cheers!
Was the grumpy cop Vera Stanhope? Love all of Ann Cleeves books.
Very happy you like the slippers they are too wonderful, and so simple too. Love the idea of them with your minimal sweatpants outfits.
You have been blessed with your parents and they with you. Wishing your Dad good health.
I love your silver hair. Now that it’s so long you can braid it and do other cool things, do you wear it in an updo often? Love that look on women with long silver hair.
I stopped colouring my hair about 5 months ago and you were one of my role models. Now I have a giant silver streak (my son calls it my Evil Villain streak) and I love it 100%. xox
Dani – hi – it’s Kathy L. I stopped coloring mine two years ago and I’m done.
One of the best decisions I’ve ever made, also influenced by Lisa among a few others. I think you’ll look gorgeous, but I do remember that skunk strip stage. Miss you blog. XO
Wishing your father a swift and complete recovery. As for silver hair, yours looks great! For myself, I’m not sure how it would look if I stopped coloring it. I’m scared that it would look like my mom’s which resembles a scouring pad! Also, regarding a grumpy British female cop, I’m also guessing that’s Vera Stanhope whom I love partly because she reminds me of a former coworker (teacher) – blunt and no nonsense.
I wanted to wait to comment to see if anything more about the nurse came to light, and it did. I don’t know which culture she’s from but I do think that’s the explanation. There’s a lack of understanding about why someone who could, wouldn’t cover their grey. I find it even in Orange County (a part of So. Cal for this who don’t know) where I was yesterday, and all the women my age had blonde or reddish hair and we’re asking me questions about why I didn’t cover my grey like I was a freak. True.
Cut it some if you want – I do think a great blunt collarbone length is beautiful.
But please don’t color it – you will regret it and it will not make you look younger.
Sorry about your dad, I know it’s stressful when he’s ill, but he sounds like such an amazing man and I still have a crush on him, so please remind him.
I hope your mom’s memorial will be healing and a positive experience. My mom’s was for me, as I really enjoyed hearing others speak about their very positive feelings towards her and why – as mine were quite mixed.
XO
So many seemingly unrelated (but of course not unrelated) thoughts, so I’ll take the easy one: your hair. You were one of my role models when I went grey, and I love it – although I will confess that a few times a year I get some highlights to emphasize the milky white rather than the iron gray. I encourage you not to change the color but to get a good haircut. The problem with long gray hair is that it can make you look like an aging hippie – not a good image. A new cut (and some highlights if you really want to go that far) could make a huge difference.
Love your list. 1. Have slippers, but prefer bare feet indoors. If I want something on my feet, I use cotton socks. I slip on driving shoes for quick inside/outside forays. My favorite pair of driving shoes are 30+ years old. 2. My night clothing was custom black silk spaghetti-strap knee-length gowns from Toujours in San Francisco. I needed new, and decided I didn’t want to spend the money. I now use men’s cotton boxer short bottoms and men’s cotton tank or t-shirt tops in white or gray. They are surprisingly comfy. If I’m cold, I add cotton sweatpants from an American company that makes all-cotton clothing—their smallest size is a bit baggy, but they have deep pockets and a drawstring I can use to cinch in the waist—or a white Coyuchi waffle robe. 3. Congratulations on swimming! It’s such good low-impact, long-muscle exercise. There is a pool I can use in the green area where my house-host lives. I don’t enjoy pools, but I’ve considered using it for shallow-end running. My legs could use the resistance. 4. So glad your dad is doing well. Our dads sound similar in their ongoing intellectual curiosity. My dad was reading a catholic array of library books and magazines, and loading Linux onto his computer (for fun) the week he died after a short bout of pneumonia. He inspires me still in multiple ways. 5. Ignore the nurse. Your hair is gorgeous. In my opinion, all you need is a good cut. I agree with KSL about a blunt collarbone length being a good idea. Just keep it long enough to put in a ponytail or bun. Do not color it again. That way lies madness. I’m still coloring mine because it was originally very dark, is not completely gray, and was adversely affected by the stress of my mom’s death followed by the car accident, so I have a lot of lengths of new growth after a series of stress hair losses that requires more frequent cuts and waiting for the short bits to get long. I haven’t been able to face the color transition in addition to the growout. My colorist has a plan for blending the dark and the light into a blonde that would work with my skin tone as the gray grows in. I would be delighted to be past all hair color. 6. After my mom died, I organized two memorials: the first was for family and friends in the Bay Area at my younger sister’s house in Belmont; the second was for the family in December when we interred her ashes in my dad’s grave. Her ashes stayed with me until the interment. I was her executor. it was such a strange time, I have incomplete memories of what I wore. The first event was casual, and I think I wore black pants and a gray cashmere sweater set; the second event I wore a black wool dress made years ago by a designer friend (Lynn Mizono), with a pair of low black heels. We had a family lunch, which was lovely, and in the evening my house host and I dined with my older brother and his longtime love who I’ve known since high school. It was all low-key and loving. I have happy memories of it now. I hope your mom’s memorial goes just as you wish it to go. 7. I’d love to hear more about your book. 8. You do deserve your vegetation. Aren’t birds in the garden wonderful? Until I began my unexpectedly extended stay at ground level, I’d forgotten how mesmerizing birds can be. We can see the back yard garden from the living room, and from the backyard. The birds use the fountain to drink and bathe, and there is a surprising variation of beautiful birds including everything from hummingbirds to crows. Often, they drink and bathe, and then fly to a lemon-tree blossom, or a lily, or a jasmine flower for nectar. Birds, bees, and butterflies all give me hope. Happy Sunday. xo.
I’m in favor of keeping the gray. I also like it long. I think we who choose this path must learn to tune out the noise. As for swimming, I had a mastectomy without reconstruction. I settled on bikini bottoms from Target and SPF rash guards from Athleta. I just purchased a swim cap for long hair, and I must say it is the most comfortable cap I have ever worn. And it doesn’t snag your hair. Swim Elite. Amazon.
Love the randomness of this post…
my friend has those slippers too and she loves them.
Once when mom and I were shopping the clerk thought that we were sisters! I was about 60 and mom was 88…same thing crossed my mind…dye my hair!
I love grey hair…mine is a wee bit too long but I can put it in a pony tail when gardening which is nice in the heat.
Your navy dress, black pumps and pearls will be lovely.
Perhaps a chignon hair style?
Thinking of you,
XO
Wait, wait, wait. Don’t dye your hair. Maybe get it cut. I think what happens to we grey hair ladies is that our complexion needs some help when we go grey. If I don’t wear makeup my husband will say I look tired. So get thee to a great makeup studio or counter and get SOME La Mere foundation and some bronzer and blush. It makes all the difference if you’ve got color on your face. Then the grey shines. Yes, the grey makes you look older but so what? You’ve inspired me to write about going grey on my blog. You’re beautiful, slim and dress attractively, plus your smart. What more do you need? Maybe the nurse needs glasses.
I’m 67 and getting more silver (aka white) by the day, it seems. I stopped coloring about 6 years ago. Last year in a weak moment, I asked my hairstylist for lowlights. She applied a hair stain, apparently a different process from the normal dye. It did take some years off and I felt great for about 6 weeks. Then the color faded, the cut grew, and I realized It would be a vicious cycle of time and money to keep up. Why not start with a good cut and discuss with a trusted stylist? Once my hair hits the shoulder and breaks the length line, I’m in the lazy/ neglected stage, never good. A cut can work wonders.
I thoroughly enjoyed your random thoughts, snippets of life. Thank you for sharing and best to your dad.
I would add to the not-coloring chorus. If you want, you could look at it as helping a tiny bit in the battle for women’s rights – more freedom from hair color. (since if the only women who don’t color their hair are over 80, then it is assumed that if you do not color your hair, you are over 80).
Also, I enjoy your expounding in general, and suspect I would particularly enjoy your expounding on the topic of writing.
Hi Lisa, I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I hope that the service goes well next week and that your dad’s health stabilizes and improves. And I’d say that I like the idea to try a change of hair cut (and/or even adding a new lipstick or something else fun), to see if that might help before further considering coloring your hair again, since it’s such a long, hard process to grow out (and hard to maintain while coloring too). Maybe just a really great red lipstick and fabulous cut would do the trick? Or some fun accessory? I find good boots do wonders for my mood as I go about my day. These past couple of years, I’ve been enjoying cowboy boots, which also helped when I had Achilles tendon pain last summer (a lot) and a little since then. There’s a heel but not too much. I feel comfortable AND sassy in them…a mix I enjoy. :)
I do so enjoy reading your words. I find myself irritated by terrible punctuation and grammar a lot of the time and I feel in safe hands with you. There’s also a lovely mix of funny, thought-provoking, sad and interesting topics. Thank you.
I am sitting here in the Amazon area of Ecuador trying to get warm. (Now isn’t that an oxymoron, considering that “Amazon” suggests sweltering to most people?) The idea of a slipper selection sounds good right now. The tootsies want more comfort than warm socks for walking on a tile floor.
About the hair thing: grey hair in these parts seems to be an unimaginable default nearly all women will avoid. In a room full of people I am usually the only one sporting it. It’s a bit shocking to see a coal-black head turn around and then you see it is the upper part of a lithe body belonging to a 70-year-old woman.
Many women fail to keep up with maintenance due to lack of time, money or opportunity so the grey or white roots appear. It is a relentless cycle.
I am with the crowd in that I pull mine straight back, (the most common choice of a style) which shows the silver around my face to a softening advantage. It is still darkish in the back. So, like yours, the effect is a variation of color. I have never colored my hair nor have I been tempted to.
When I last visited in the U.S. I popped in to see my hair stylist just to say hello. We always had great conversations about things. She hugged me and then remarked about the grey and how much she liked it. “I never did like the short permed hair you had…”
Now she tells me! ‘How come you never told me that in all those years?’ Well, that’s water over the dam.
As another person suggested, more soft color on the face adds the polish that the paler face seems to need as we grey. It is a fine balance to know just how much more. As I have viewed your pictures during all the years I have read your blog, I have thought that a little more color might be a good idea for you. More contrast between hair and face.
Even though you may choose to cut your hair shorter, the convenience of having it long enough to do what you do now seems like a good idea. Unless you enjoy dealing with hair.
A favorite experience: Many decades ago, I was served by a teen behind the counter of a quiet restaurant. She looked about 17 and she was 50% grey. She wore a ponytail. I remarked on her hair and asked her ‘how many people in your life have urged you to color it?’ She smiled. Obviously a lot. We chatted for a few minutes. I added that I hoped she never would. She said thanks.
About 50 years later, I was in that area of the city, which was infrequent. Walking along the sidewalk, coming toward me, I saw a head of snow-white hair (I always notice that first) and then the face, which I had never forgotten. I stopped her, paused and smiled, Before I could say a word she said, “I remember you! I do! You’re the lady who said…” Like me, she never forgot that conversation although I wasn’t the only person who had told her how special she would look.
“I had white hair by 28,” she said. Her large gorgeous brown eyes were just the same. Time had been kind. She was beautifully put together. She wore her hair pulled back. So classic.
She never left the neighborhood; she still lived in the house she inherited from her folks, along with her husband who loves her hair.
Hey Lisa, I agree with Sandy Sallin, you’ve got to lift your face, even if you go to a drugstore mineral powder foundation that you apply with a fluffy brush, bronzer, mascara and lipgloss. Voila. A healthy vibrant look. I also agree with KSL about a shoulder length blunt cut, you have great hair, it would sit well. Then the other reader who said about highlights. Perfect. Get a few on top and blended in around your face, in a shade only slightly lighter or darker than your own, the colourist will advise. Highlights – foils – grow out slowly over time and will give you an instant lift but not have to be continually retouched. Personally, I am in my 50’s and love going to the salon and have not, and do not (just yet), intend to stop colouring my hair. Mother was a hairdresser. I grew up in salons. In those days, women went weekly for their wash and set. Oh which reminds me, you can buy great shampoos these days that assist in highlighting blonde/white hair and keep it in tippy top bright condition. I am fortunate, my hairdresser is just around the corner and I can literally walk there in 5 minutes. In and out for a colour, trim and dry off in 90 mins. Best Xxxx
The slippers sound fab and your casual outfit is very similar to what I wear at home in cooler weather – in summer it’s always loose cotton dresses as the heat here (Sydney) makes anything else too hot to bear. Lovely choices for your mother’s service and pearls are always appropriate. My mum died 14 years ago and my dad 10. I’m still surprised at the way repercussions can still sneak up on me sometimes. So happy that your dad is better and at home. Being curious is vastly underrated in my opinion. May we all retain our curiosity for life and learning.
At the urging of hairdressers I started coloring my hair with “color the gray” stuff and continued for 17 years. I grew unhappier because my hair got blonder and attempts to fix it turned frumpy brownish. (Low lights.) Also the condition worsened–dried out, breaking. My new and old hairdressers told me my hair would look terrible at the part-gray color they predicted from my roots. All the coloring was done by salon, one an “artist” who believed this was his calling in life.
I finally grew it out and it is great–sort of a streaky gray/blonde that goes better with my coloring than any of the old artificial colors. And it’s very shiny and silky now. I get many compliments on it now–few one the old fake blonde.
I do regret those years of unhappy coloring, not to mention time and expense.
Dear Lisa: I’m putting in my own two cents a few days late. 1. I hope your father is doing well. 2. Get a great haircut and new makeup; only then, if you still feel you need to, should you color your hair. I did not follow my own advice and am now regretting it. 3. Is the grumpy English policewoman Barbara Havers of Elizabeth George’s detective series?
I am writing even at this late date (too many household emergencies this past week!) to once again cast my vote for you getting a shoulder-length blunt cut and keeping your beautiful hair its natural silver-grey (This said by someone with very short hair (and very long bangs) who has been coloring her hair dark brown for some thirty years with no plan to ever cease doing so.) Of course, the only opinion that really matters – other than your own – is your husband’s…
I’ll be thinking of you on Saturday, and of your dearest mother. She touched many hearts in her long life, and left a sterling legacy. Her combination of high principles combined with true compassion and generosity of spirit was truly exceptional, and I feel blessed to have known her.
Navy blue and pearls – very appropriate. You’ll do Nancy proud!
Thinking of you and your family today…
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