I started to call this post Banishing Arrogance, but multi-syllable words are a poor way to avoid that pride/fall thing. Let’s try this: I’m working on understanding that I don’t know what I don’t know.
Bit of background, in which “you” should be read as “I.” If you deconstruct your way through a complex problem once, your mind might be dumb enough to decide that wasn’t just luck, and sneaky enough to whisper, “I’ve got your back,” in hopes of future world domination. Spoiler: not 100% reliable. So, recently I’ve reopened the door to topics I had thought I understood. Can I just say that humility is hard?
First, I’m listening to this audiobook. My inner judgment police grow slightly nauseous at the rainbow font and a forward by an artist I otherwise love, but an open mind has to tell the guard to stand down.
Terence Real is a couples therapist, primarily, while the relationship I’m working on is in my family of origin, but even so it’s been useful. Psychological constructs aren’t new to me, or to you, I’m sure But this book has a) provided language for the worldview shift I experienced in caring for others (my children, my mother, and even my father, and b) increased my understanding of what we get from our parents–beyond that which should have been encouraged, to that which should, perhaps, have been discouraged.
Little ideas, but they unlock internal doors.
Second, and here’s a nice conceptual leap to remind us that being human is a kick, Sue at Une Femme “did my colors.” She’s really good at it. Also fun and nice, but you knew that. She’ll be launching this service formally after her August blog break. Stay, as they say, tuned.
After decades assuming soft cool colors suit me best, demonstrably, at least for my skin tone, soft warm colors for the win. I’m an Autumn. Jaw on floor.
New information doesn’t always require you throw out the old, even if it contradicts what you “knew.” Do I now rid myself of all the other blues in my closet? Discard all pink? Not my plan. You aren’t duty-bound to dress for your skin tone, but it’s really (High WASPs sniff in mortification at the word) empowering to know how you can.
As a first step, when I buy “white” t-shirts, I might look for more of an oyster than pure white. Second, let’s say I need another pair of Eileen Fisher lantern pants, I might try the color they call Seaweed. Third, if I attend a wedding, I might look for a dress in yellow.
I mean, crazy.
But I can always tell if clothing will be good for me when it revvs my imagination. And that yellow conjures up a boatneck dress with pleated skirt, to wear with camel Roger Viviers that I don’t own yet either, and may not exist. Oh also gold earrings.
So, in the end, I found the color session mapped whole new neural patterns. Hmm. Remember humility. Having my colors done offered me a new internal space, well-equipped for imagining. Better. But there’s still room to learn.
Have a wonderful weekend, my dear friends.
27 Responses
It’s always good to have something to read in August.
I see why it might be more than a couples book from reading the reviews on Amazon. Click – added to my holds list at the library.
RoseAG, It would be a great summer read. It’s actually very entertaining. I don’t mean haha, but engaging, like a well-told story.
Welcome to the Autumn color spectrum. When I first learned I was an Autumn, I pictured that I would have to wear orange all of the time. Thank goodness I get to wear teals and many, many lovely greens!
Emily, I am happy to understand why mustard, and cognac have always been fun to wear! Never going to give up my blues though;) Sounds like you love your ocean colors. I bet your wardrobe is beautiful.
I too am an Autumn, but I am a clear Autumn and never wear cream, only ever crisp white. Also, the yellow may be in your palette however, you have to wear the colour, not the other way around. Colour and clothes are there to compliment you, not dominate, a pity more designers don’t keep that in mind. Navy is my best friend, a classic, and many hues of blue and green. Apple green is delicious and I enjoy wearing it, so too with many other shades of green, but not olive or khaki next to my face, keep them down below and clear fresh colours to the face. Colour is something I am passionate about and, after a bad series of health issues that have dragged on for the last 2 years with a final topping of Covid that has lasted 3 weeks and counting, it seems there are few things I am passionate enough to respond to a blog (or anything) about. Thanks Lisa. We keep learning (the book). It’s all I can find any meaning for in this life atm.
TJ, I am so sorry about your health, not to mention the frustration of after all this restriction catching COVID that is not finishing up quickly. I couldn’t agree more about we wear the color, not the other way around. Sue would discard colors that were ostensibly “in my palette” saying, “It comes into the room before you.” I enter first, thank you very much;). Absolutely let’s keep learning. Meaning has got to return. Sending you a big hug this morning.
Are you old enough to remember Cyra McFadden’s great episodic comic “novel” called “The Serial: A Year in the Life of Marin County”? Perhaps you remember the opening freeform wedding of two 40-somethings embarking on a second marriage, and the words they chanted to each other: “You-ness, Me-ness, Us-ness, We-ness”?
If so, you’ll understand why I roll my eyes at the very title of the couples book you are reading – but if you are learning something new from it, well, good for you!
As for skin tones and complementary colorways: skin tones do change in subtle (or not so) ways as we get older. My own pale ivory skin is definitely pinker now, and that vestige of a yellow tone that liked avocado green next to my face is long gone. (I satisfy that particular urge with green accessories!) But it is such fun to explore new colorations…
Victoire, No, I don’t remember that! I am an eye-roller too, but this is a very practical, specific, accessible book. I promise! My coloration has shifted some over the years. And I agree, that’s why it’s so much fun to explore and, most of all, understand.
Really? Those colors? I’ve always thought you had such excellent taste and awareness. Those colors look like a drag. Maybe if I saw the other colors in comparison .But those? Think twice and trust your own eyes.. Is that terrible to say but I couldn’t stop myself.
Sandra, I do trust my own color sense! That’s why I went to Sue. I have always worn blues and pinks. But I’ve also thought I looked good in olive and mustard, so neither cool-toned nor warm-toned, exclusively. I have found venturing outside those colors to be tricky. The session with Sue helped me make sense of my experience, as I am truly “on the cusp” of warm and cool in several ways. Warm suits my skin. Cool suits my eyes and hair. In the end, the session took me by the shoulders and just pivoted me a little to the left. Just what I needed. Thank you for your trust in my taste and awareness, from an artist that means a lot.
I too would have been curious to see the other “seasons” draped the same way, but I do think these colors look great on you. I gravitate towards many of them anyway, and especially love the two teals and two shades of camels. Because our coloring is so similar, I’m guessing I’m an autumn too, but might have my colors done when Sue is offering her services.
KSL, It’s a fascinating process. I think you’d really like it. Very interactive. Might be called, “exploring your colors with a guide,” as Sue is so broad-minded and fun.
GAWD I HATED IT WHEN I WORKED AT NORDSTROMS AND LADIES WOULD COME IN WITH THEIR COLOR CHARTS!!
AGAIN I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WOMEN WHO HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO PUT COLORS TOGETHER……
I WOULD LOVE TO SEE SOMEONE DO A BLOG POST WITH THE BEFORE OUTFITS AND THEN WITH THEIR COLORS DONE!
ARE COMPLIMENTS FLYING IN……….?
CURIOUS MINDS WANT TO KNOW!
La Contessa, why did you hate it so? Wasn’t it nice to work with women who were excited by their new ideas and direction? To be clear, I have many clues on how to put colors together LOL. I was just running into some outcomes that didn’t make sense given my assumptions, i.e., if blue then lavender must be OK. But lavender wasn’t OK, and it used to be. Plum, however, good! The color session clarified what was going on, and will give me more confidence and freedom to explore different hues in the store. Are compliments flowing in? I haven’t bought anything new yet! First step will be getting rid of a few things in my closest and drawers. Things I thought “should” work, according to my assumptions, but never quite did. Then, all hands on deck for olive! Yahoo!
Those colors are spectacular on you! Please don’t listen to the naysayers who are apparently looking at the colors, but not how they look on you. Of course the salespeople hate that you want colors that look good on you instead of the colors they have available. I had my colors done after going grey and was a soft summer after wearing warmer colors for many years. I hope you’ll continue to post on your Autumn color journey.
Kathy, Thank you! Whither I actually go remains to be seen. But the choosing will be more fun. I will absolutely continue to post about this.
Actually if you look at this color consultant’s blog, you can see exactly that: all of her years of outfits before she had her own color consultation and her outfits and accessory choices after. It is pretty striking and one reason I believe she chose to move into this work professionally. There is a link to her blog in the post.
Maggie May, Exactly. Sue’s journey is intelligent and a lot of fun to follow. Just like the woman herself;)
It was such fun “doing” your colors, and I can’t wait to see how you begin to incorporate them!
I’m keeping an eye out for that yellow dress of your imagination… ;-)
Sue! I just spent half an hour looking at yellow dresses myself;). I think I’ll give a yellow tee a shot too. But only that perfect, saffron, mustard, charred yellow. Thanks again. What a pleasure.
I WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU!
I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE WOMEN IN 1980’S………
AS THEY WILL ONLY LOOK AT THEIR COLORS AND TO BE HONEST SOME SEASONS NONE OF THOSE COLORS EXSIST IN THE STORE.
La Contessa, Aha, thank you for the clarification! I understand people wanting the colors to solve everything, but I think it’s possible to enjoy the experience without conceding one’s independent eye:)
How fun! Having your colors done, that is. Isn’t it simultaneously both humbling and revelatory when something we “knew” proves to be not as firm as we had once assumed. Enjoy shopping for your new colors, and finding new ways to combine what you love with the new.
Mardel, Perfectly put. Humbling and revelatory. And how sometimes in our new humility we realize why what we “knew” wasn’t perfect xox
Thanks for posting your experience with Sue! I have followed her journey with great interest. Over the years I have been classified in all seasons except winter. I now accept soft autumn, but after reading your post I’m tempted to let Sue have. a go at it.
The most important issue to me is how I feel in a color. If I don’t like it I won’t wear it. Olive for example. During the pandemic I’ve done a lot of experimenting. Sales abound, many items like tees are cheap, and I haven’t been going anywhere anyway. It’s been an interesting journey.
And if I love a color and find a great item, I’ll buy it and wear it. Thanks again for sharing your journey.
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