I hope you had a good Thanksgiving, if you celebrated. Ours was very quiet and I wore soft clothes.
But hard shoes. Feels like a metaphor I can’t quite get.
My kids were with their partners’ families, so my husband and I took the opportunity to celebrate just the two of us. We walked to a local steakhouse that was feeding people turkey as well as beef. The leaves had fallen. I would have had more style with a scarf, but I didn’t want to futz with it at the restaurant because I’ve left enough beautiful swaths of silk and cashmere behind over the years.
My shirt’s under there, I promise. No plan to shock the crowd.
And here’s something I said in an online discussion:
Walked home from Thanksgiving dinner at a steakhouse, cries of “Andalé, Andalé!” rising from a public soccer field across the way. The night was dark, the air chilly. and I thanked my every step that I live here and wish I knew how to share it with our whole country.
That’s how I’m feeling now, about America and where we find ourselves. I wish I knew how to convince those who are scared and finding comfort in anger, that people in coastal California (and other places with a similar political and ethical structure), are wonderful. That we too bury our feet in leaves and wish our kids would come home for the holidays, but, we are happy when people wearing shorts on a cold American holiday night yell encouragement in a foreign language.
However, it is possible that towns like mine are one thing driving this hatred of immigrants and intent to shove women into old roles. These days it’s almost impossible to buy a house here. I understand the resentment.
But I can do something about housing prices. Something tiny, maybe, but not nothing. In brief, California has instituted a state requirement that towns build more housing, for multiple income levels. As you can imagine, towns resist. So I’m supporting new development of multi-family dwellings, particularly near our train system. Two birds in one; climate change and housing affordability. Something.
The election was, in my emotional reality, a terrible thing. So much work to be done, from immediate succor for those at risk–people needing reproductive care in some states, immigrants, the list is long–to gearing up for and donating to support legal and procedural fights, to participating in new networks of information to combat lies that foment hatred. To say nothing of kicking off he upcoming election cycle.
We don’t yet know how terrible this will be, nor in what ways, precisely. But I believe those of us not at immediate risk, those of us with resources, can pick something, anything, to do. We can get going.
So this isn’t a post about being thankful, per se, or gratitude. I’ve known I’m fortunate since I was old enough to notice how my family lived, to separate our circumstances from the sheer fact of having parents and siblings and eating food at a long wooden table. Now, I may be glad that my family and I don’t live in as much risk as many, but that feeling is brief.
Mostly I feel resolved. Resolved to do whatever I can. What exactly? Not even sure. To what end? Can’t say, precisely, but with a swelling hope that more in this country can feel happy on a cold night.
Have a good weekend, everyone. I continue to recommend soft pants.
Edited to add, after some thought.
- If you can’t do anything, please feel no guilt or shame. This has to be a movement and a community that’s primarily supportive of people’s needs. I am the last one to exhort you beyond your capacity.
- A short list of links so you can visit organizations/leaders with idea of what to do, if you’re so inclined
- The ACLU, for donations to the legal fight
- You’ll know what your local issues and organizations are. If you’re interested in increasing the housing stock, YIMBY is a good term to Google
- From most centrist to more traditionally leftist:
- Amy Siskind on Facebook
- Swing Left for grass roots campaign volunteering
- New Power Project to support emergent candidates of color
- Indivisible, an umbrella organization for local progressive groups
Any other resource you’ve found useful, welcomed.
18 Responses
What I don’t understand is the fact that many of Trump’s supporters are still angry–even after winning the election. The voters like us are not really angry–we are sad and resolved.
We also celebrated Thanksgiving with just the two of us. I will admit being a bit wistful about all the large family gatherings. We will be spending Christmas with our NY family and we are looking forward to that.
Maybe we just don’t do anger. I don’t find it comforting to feel angry, and yet I know some people do. What causes that difference I really don’t know. I’m happy you will get to NYC for Christmas with your family, particular the new guy on the block;).
Yes, but not nearly as angry as the Dems.
Huh? I’m a Democrat. I’m far less angry than I am saddened and resolved to make changes. I read a Psychology Today study a few years back that found conservatives’ primary differentiating emotional trait was fear, carried as anger.
I believe I’m disagreeing with you.
“Fear, carried [passively] as Anger,” makes a lot of sense. As does Anger, [masked passively as Sad], make the same kind of sense. I can accept them both as the human condition.
Earlier today, I rejoiced that your blog title felt Frost-ian, I could amost hear the harness bells in a quiet meditative response. I felt calm.
Then 47 began releasing his appointments this afternoon.
Speechless. How are Revulsion and Shock registered [passively, internally] at the cellular level? I worry for myself, and for the health of this nation.
Take care, everyone.
The way 47 takes over our nervous systems, and fuels himself from our horror, is villainous. I just tell myself I alone can’t fight these appointments but I sure can call my Senators and Congresswoman and insist that they do. It’s something to do, some place to route all those frenzied neurons. I’m really sorry this is feeling so awful, and I get it.
We also went out, with family. I also didn’t wear my new coat or any scarf for the same reason which is crazy since I have very few occasions to wear either!
What Susan D says is true – but I think so many of them are just angry people. That blue on you is gorgeous! And of course, I love your hard Grensons!
Thank you for the blue appreciation;). You definitely inspired the Grensons! I wish we knew what made people inclined to be angry. I can only imagine that they went through something in their youth which taught them in order to avoid harm, get angry first. Or else it was modeled? Some of it is hard-wired?
It’s really funny that we are so over the futzing, as we pass 65, even those of us who LOVED to dress up.
When I was a child, I remember a conversation with my mother. My brother yelled because I had accidentally stepped on his foot. My mother explained that often, people respond in anger when they are hurt and don’t want to let others see. I have revisited this again and again throughout my life, and it holds true in so many contexts.
This is wonderful. What an insightful mom.
Quietly hosted our adult kids and are more grateful for them all the time.
Anger can help, but it has to be very carefully wielded as a tool instead of a weapon. Probably becoming resolve at that point.
Agreed that local efforts are very powerful. We’re also increasing time with family and friends. But first, my leftovers need wrangling.
Anger as a tool rather than a weapon becomes resolve. Ah. Yes. I love that. And prioritizing leftover use is its own act of justice. Glad you could see your adult kids.
This year I gathered with my folks, eldest daughter and her partner and a couple of friends at my Sierra cabin. We have been slowly eating our way through the tiny 1950s fridge, hiking, reading, and cutting our Christmas trees.
I live in a small farm town, where my center-left politics are in the minority. My family has been here for several generations, and people know me. I do not hide my politics and think it’s good for folks to see that we are all more alike than different. Bunkering up is not the answer, as you clearly know – hence your support of affordable housing. Enjoy your holiday season, Lisa.
Thank you. The cabin in the mountains sounds so wonderful. And I think not hiding our politics, in the places where we are known and trusted, is key. That why I’ve begun to speak about politics a little more here. I used to feel I was protecting my friends by giving them a politics-free space, but I no longer think that’s the best protection I can offer.
After reading your remarks about the election I immediately resubscribed to your blog. I was happy to see that you articulated my feelings so eloquently. I have stopped watching and reading the news and I feel healthier already! Your words are helpful and hopeful.
Audrey, thank you so very much. I love not watching cable news, or reading the big papers. We can know what we need to know about the world with so little effort, no need to listen to 8902900 opinions just to glean the few facts required. Real facts, BTW. We aren’t the crew who looks for fake ones.
On affordable housing and how it relates to sustainability, have you ever read Henry Grabar’s excellent PAVED PARADISE (on the wild ways Americans’ policies and feelings related to parking have shaped and are continuing to shape this country)? One major reason it’s difficult to build housing for a variety of income levels is that the parking spaces municipalities require developers to provide for those housing units – even in areas where most people use public transportation as their primary means of getting around – make building affordable housing prohibitively expensive. If we are truly going to solve the affordable housing crisis in this country, we have to radically change the way we think about and legislate parking.
I haven’t read that, being the philistine I am around long form non fiction, but, yes in fact in my town the most recent battle is the city trying to build very low income housing in the huge parking lots that line our meagre downtown. Housing that would shelter those who work in all the new assisted living and memory care facilities, and other places. There’s a great big parking lot several blocks away, but oooooh don’t make us walk!