Let’s leave the world aside for a minute.
In the last days of the era the Gregorian calendar (Wikipedia tells me it was first introduced by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582) calls 2024, I am thinking that even if I had heard nothing of world or national events this year, I’d still have learned something. It’s kind of embarrassing to write, so, a few data points first.
In the peer grief counseling volunteering I’ve done, often times people just want company–the sound of someone else’s voice, the shape of someone else’s face.
In the years since my mom died, although in her lifetime we were not close, I’ve missed her company. Not her efforts at care and feeding, but the feel of her fine hair, the softness of the skin over her cheekbones against mine, her little voice. When she was alive, despite our differences, I always felt comfort in simply hearing her walk from one end of her house to the other.
Mom, those of you who read this blog in the early days will remember, always said, A Simple Thank You Will Suffice. It meant, I think, voice gratitude without furbelows. Might work for presence too.
Let’s try it. Simple presence can suffice.
Besides, as I’ve probably said here before, my adult children once told me that while they appreciated my mind, they’d be happy if I just showed up with hugs and words of comfort.
I might have taken umbrage at this. Am I just a creature? Is my heartbeat all you need of me? But also, it could be a song. I am just a creature. My heartbeat is all you need of me. Because the next line is something like my breath is your grace and my own.
Well. That’s a lotta awe and folderol for a Saturday morning, but I guess I mean we don’t always have to work hard to warrant our stay on Earth. You never know who you might be comforting by reading a book and slurping ginger tea; your slow but constant heart rate may serve others.
Have a wonderful weekend.
20 Responses
“your slow but constant heart rate may serve others”
So simple and true. Thanks for the reminder.
You are very welcome xo
I needed this today. Thank you for your presence and your thoughts, Lisa. ❤
I’ve been having similar ones about my ever-active mind being ignored, etc…. But maybe I need to simply be happy with others’ presence, too — as I know myself to be.
Happy weekend!
SO TRUE.
Thank you so much. I’m still wondering how to do this “mothering” best when I visit my daughter and her 3 babes. But when I read your words, Lisa, I suspected it might be true of my family as well. I’m thinking that just being together when we listen to music, or checking out the latest library book, or a lovely meal is shared on bright plates . Such times may be all we truly need of each other.
Thank you.
Perfectly said. Many warm hugs your way.
I was just thinking of my mother today and she was not an easy person but I miss her anyway. And I happen to be drinking ginger tea. Hugs and warm wishes to you.
Just being there – to hug a new grandchild in the family, to lend a helping hand with the Christmas or Hanukkah dinner preparations (as well as cleanup), to raise up a glass of cheer with a toast to family and friends, to lend an ear and comfort those who are alone or grieving at Christmas…so many small ways to be thoughtful.
Living in the company of some who consistently demand “more” of everything, including proof of love, I relish the tranquility that your words offer. After having created some pretty incredible possibilities and life-changing circumstances that would have been impossible without me, and still not being able to fill the constant void, I’ve literally found myself saying, “If this is all I ever did for you, it should be enough”. Still in all, it’s not. Savor what you’ve been given. Be grateful. Be quiet.
My mother and I were not close…she never fed or cared for anybody…she didn’t have to, because she always had full-time help, yet somehow she never felt fortunate either. She fought the demon of clinical depression the second half of her adult life, which was a full time job. Your post really hit home, because I do still miss her since she’s been gone…she was a creature of habit, and I miss knowing what she would be doing, even if we weren’t in the same place. She had baby fine hair, too, and I miss the smell of her and her house. And I agree…presence can suffice…I know for a fact that my children and grandchildren once thought that I was a font of wisdom and practical advice. Those days are gone…yet they still want me there, and I am very grateful for that…in fact, I’ve come to enjoy just sitting back, relaxing and enjoying the mayhem!
Tomorrow would have been my mother’s 96th birthday, but her lifespan was only 69 years, which is my current age. She was an amazing woman and she continues to teach me to this very day.
Happy new year to all the members of this community, and especially to Lisa for bringing us all together to share our thoughts and experiences.
yes to simple presence. sometimes, that is all that is needed/desired.
it’s similar to parenting advice that i’ve tried to practice: do you want me to listen, give advice, or get involved? often, it’s simply “listen”.
I’m just now reading this LIsa. And I needed to hear this. Our younger son told us during our visit to him and his family over Christmas that it wouldn’t be Christmas without us. Those words have stuck in my mind since I heard them. It was just our presence that he wanted. I don’t like to travel during the holidays as I never want to leave my comfortable home at this time of year. His words told me that our effort was important.
By the way, I find myself missing my mother and we were not close. So I need to hear your comments on that subject as well.
Sending all best wishes to you for the upcoming year.
So very true. Thank you.
Thank you for this. It’s true; knowing that these (sometimes tiny) lights are out there has been uplifting to me for years (and sorrowful to me when they go out). Each one is valuable.
(although, for the ones I have less/no personal connection to, I feel more passionately about their lights when I know they’re trying to do right by people – trying to make the world even a millimeter better – even when they have extremely limited capacity to do so. Can’t donate millions to charity or found a nonprofit? Then donate a smile to the postal carrier [when not in too much pain to be able to smile], have empathy, care about people, pray, think kindly, want good justice, work to keep your thoughts straight, avoid being the bad kind of NIMBY, there are lots of options to be the kind of change you want to see in the world even if there’s nothing anyone else can see – and there are often so many things that *can* lift others up, from an imperfect but feisty bit of gardening to a good word to, yes, so powerfully, a silent sitting-with. )
So true, and thanks for the reminder. I do focus on what I can do to show a friendly face to all, greet others on my daily walk, and be kind to the store clerks, and service workers. I started a
widows’ group through my women’s club and I know how much it has helped me, as well as others who attend the monthly group.
“Simple presence can suffice.”
Presence is anything but simple for me. Here’s to all of you in line before me who showed up, shared heartbeats, attended events and meetings, opened your house to visitors. It’s very strange to watch myself be this way, for so long.
A tolerant friend sent me this as a present: https://www.amazon.com/HIGH-COTTON-Doormat-Come-Warrant/dp/B00020O572
Tactics: avoid, dodge, decline, feign illness, use doormat. I’m sure there’s no one on my end of the see-saw, so from high in the sky I’m waving [and smiling!] at all of you wonderful people who brighten the world and your families by your “simple presence” and the warmth of your heartbeat.
Thank you. Beautifully and simply said.
This was so timely! My daughter and I are not close but she visited for Christmas. She told her dad she was sick of articles(which were topics of particular interest to her) I send by email. She told him she just wanted me to call instead. So I will call once a week this new year. I will probably still send articles. Fingers crossed, we can discuss them over the phone!