Privilege Blog

Cozies Redeemed. Barely.

I have trouble with cozies, crocheted and knitted covers for things that have no need of warmth. I saw this here. I felt my blood pressure rise. Have they no mercy? I am haunted by visions of my future as an increasingly angry old woman, muttering bitterly to herself amidst peeling paint on the front porch, cursing all signs of knitting needles and crochet hooks.

Luckily for mankind the possibility of redemption is always with us. Even cozies can be saved by humor and art, our great redeeming capabilities. Along with kindness and forgiveness. (Oh yeah, and lactation.) Things can always get better. So it came to pass. First she saw these,

And said this, “So the title is apt ‘An Ode To Cher’ or should this be ‘An ode To Chers Bewbage’???” Aha. Cozied earrings look like Cher’s boobs. There is hope yet.

That’s not all said the Ginzo knives salesman. The real saviours are here. Wrapping, cozying, shrouding, all have had their apogee. You may already be nodding your head, yes, yes. Uhuh. Christo. Jeanne-Claude. The Reichstag. Yeah. That.

Which turned into this.

Not a crochet hook in sight. Nothing twee, nothing fey. Maybe an approximation of cozying history.

Happy Easter. Happy Passover. Here’s to forgiveness, kindness, redemption. And I guess to Cher’s boobs, if anyone’s in the mood.

11 Responses

  1. i am a knitter and crocheter and i think a lot of the shit ppl make is an insult to those crafts. including, yes, the knitted trees and stuff.

    there’s so many gorgeous things you can do with yarn to make fabric. and there are so many things done that are totally embarrassing and wrong.

    though penis cozies are amusing.

  2. I just adore the guerilla crocheting – it boggles my mind that folks could conceive of a project so big. And wacky.

  3. This is priceless Miss Privilege, absolutely riotous! Thank you for making us laugh, we needed it.

    Grins & giggles for the week ahead,

  4. It’s like the Middle East – there is a cozy for everything: televisions, radiators, toilet seats, kleenex boxes. There are doilies everywhere. If something has a cozy, you know it’s an item of great importance.

    I’m all for Cher’s boobies. It’s her bottom I worry about.

  5. Maybe someone should cozy her bottom? Now that Bob Mackie has passed on, no one is picking up the slack. Literal or virtual. Someone could make that a guerilla crocheting project?

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