They don’t make it easy. The other day I got up early, as usual. That isn’t the part that Exercise TV is to blame for. I decided not to take a walk. Not their fault either. I decided to do a couple of Exercise TV On Demand segments. My sister, my daughter and I are all fans. I decided to suffer and do cardio rather than the yoga video with the guy stretching in front of what looks like the Grand Canyon. Or the devastatingly fit women cardio sculpting in a canyon of aspens. I don’t have any aspens in my living room. Still not their fault.
Less Is More Cardio makes use of boxing moves. Which means Miss Cindy has you do “boxing feet.” Do you know what “boxing feet” are? That’s when you put said feet apart wider than your hips and go tippy tap tippy tippy tap. Or, more realistically, thumpety thumpety thumpa thumpety. Let me just say this is noisy. Noisy enough, apparently, to wake a sleeping teenaged boy. Who will then emerge, in boxers, stand sleepy-eyed and aghast, and start to laugh at the sight of his mother in basketball shorts, and “boxing feet.” He may even mimic the rhythm he has been hearing through the door, being a musical sort of fellow.
I persevere. If I stopped exercising every time I realize I look silly I’d long since have given it up. I move on to 10 Minute Pilates. Not only do I not have any aspens in my living room, I don’t have a yoga mat. So I do floor exercises on a towel. A green towel covered in pink flamingos which we won at a school auction when said teenager was in 8th grade. As below.
Nicole Stewart starts leading me through the required 10 minutes of Pilates. Thank you Nicole. This makes me feel infinitely more competent and fit than “boxing feet.” My sense is that since I do not have a boxing head, boxing hands, or a boxing stomach, it’s not surprising that I don’t have boxing feet.
I can do most of what she wants me to do. Unlike the “boxing feet.” This video I don’t have to speak to the way I spoke to the labor nurse when giving birth to said teenager. When the nice young woman said “Push through the pain!” I said, “YOU push through the pain! I’m just going to lie here!” I’m apt to make similar disrespectful comments to Exercise TV. It’s OK. They can’t hear me.
As I said, I can do most of what she wants me to do. Until we get to the advertising function. I understand the need for advertising. If they didn’t advertise during these videos, I’d have to pay. I’m on board for this business model. Until, as I am lying flat on my back, counting out 100 repetitions of the arm lift pictured above. New Balance flashes their banner. The key phrase being, “Buy Now!”
Huh? How? Every part of my body which might be reasonably considered able to make a purchase is occupied.
Which causes me to argue with the television for the remaining 3 minutes of 10 Minute Pilates. Oh well. Perhaps it raised my pulse. Which is more than I can say for the laughing teenager.
Have a lovely weekend.
Images from the Exercise TV website