Privilege Blog

Wedding Planning Missive #1

What’s it like to plan a second wedding? Well, in the simplest incarnation, it’s like a to-do list. And I suspect this particular to-do list may grow. Please chant altogether, if you don’t mind my asking, “Simple, simple, simple.”

  1. Date – A Thursday in August
  2. Ceremony Venue – San Francisco City Hall
  3. Photographer – Emilia-Jane Schobeiri
  4. Invitations – Paperless Post for email, TBD for a few paper invitations
  5. Officiant 
  6. Vows
  7. Rings – Tiffany Platinum & Diamond 5-Stone Band for Lisa, Family Heirloom 24K Band for Significant Other
  8. Folding Chairs from City Hall
  9. Dinner Location – Local restaurant, not sure yet exactly which one
  10. Dress – Under consideration: Christopher Kane Tape Dress, Nina Ricci Floral Lace, Assorted short dresses to be tried on one afternoon at Bridal Galleria with sister, sister-in-law, and niece
  11. Best Daughter’s Dress
  12. Best Son’s Suit And Tie
  13. Shoes
  14. Hotel Reservations
  15. Wedding Day Coordinator
  16. Some Flowers
  17. A Cake
  18. Restaurant Place Cards
  19. Water Bottles For Ceremony
  20. Table Cloth For Table For Water Bottles For Ceremony
  21. Water Bottle Labels (stop me now)
  22. Hair appointment

Lessons learned:

  1. It’s hard to set a date for weekday weddings in the summer, even a simple one. People have a lot of plans already in place. But with the goodwill of your friends and family, it’s possible.
  2. Make a to do list where that with which you cannot marry occupies spot #1. Keeps the priorities of the day straight. Just because I’d like pictures in a beautiful dress, doesn’t mean they matter most.
  3. As a wedding service provider, put yourself out there. Emilia-Jane asked me, on Twitter, to consider her. So I did, to my great pleasure.

I will keep updating this list as we go. Right now I’m wearing what we will call a Proposal Ring. It’s quite a pleasant experience, says the High WASP in an understated way.

77 Responses

  1. So happy for you. For me, deep appreciation for simplicity and clear priorities are some of the greatest compensations for advancing age. Enjoy.

  2. Congratulations!!!
    The Nina Ricci Floral Lace is pretty.
    As with all things the list is bound to grow, but a good start I will say for the crucial items. Best of luck

  3. You know how much I love that Christopher Kane dress, but both are great choices. Curious about the Thursday date ~ is there a significance? And, of course, I think we’d all love to see your “proposal” ring if you feel OK sharing a photo.

    1. The Thursday date was just to keep things simple:). Weekdays are so ordinary, that’s what I wanted.

  4. Lisa,so very happy for you,and am chanting away here, always obey orders!!

    Is a proposal ring,what we call an engagement ring?

  5. Don’t forget to add “Breathe” and “Have fun” to the list :)

    I love the idea of the City Hall wedding. I had a WASPapalooza morning wedding & brunch in Connecticut, and while I love the picture of my husband and me emerging from the (Episcopal) church, looking practically drunk with happiness, I love even more the picture of my sister-in-law (who married a few weeks earlier) emerging, all smiles in a chic white wedding suit, bouquet in hand, from the metal detector at Manhattan’s City Hall. Priceless. As were the two male bridesmaids and the riotous lunch at Tavern-on-the-Green.

    Can’t wait for more details. And I love the tape dress!

  6. You have been so generous in pointing the way to your Pinterest boards, I’ve loved basking in your lovely wedding ideas and selections.

    Of course water bottle labels, I just know nieces and nephews would love to make those for you. And glue them on, right there at the table-cloth covered table!

    1. My sister tells me I’m insane, that everyone is an adult and they can be responsible for hydrating themselves:).

    2. Well, you just hang on to that “insane” and run with it as long as you can get away with it, this may be your last chance to enjoy the heady delirium of justified insanity. You, the always logical one, it’s great to see you going off script!

  7. I love both those dresses, and it’s impressive how clearly they indicate an overall aesthetic for the day. It’s going to be brilliant. Thanks for sharing the anticipatory happiness. . .

  8. 23. gifts for best son and best daughter

    Our wedding was my first (at 39) and my husband’s not first, so our motto was also simple, simple, simple.

  9. You know we’ll all be following every wedding post with great excitement.

    If I lived there I’d insist on assisting your floral designer of choice.

    My heart is full of joy for you both.

    xo Jane

  10. I’ve always had the feeling your partner is Asian. So excited and happy for both of you!

  11. Oh do show us the ring! Cannot wait to see you in the dress!!!
    How do you keep your mind on work with all these exciting details on your mind?
    I hope that the planning involves a honeymoon too !

  12. For a family celebration recently, I kept repeating, “This is a happy occasion and keep focus on that.” I found that brought my thoughts back to what mattered. So happy for you and am enjoying the Pinterest boards.

  13. Love love love the Christopher Kane dress–a very Artsy option! I know it is wrong, but I would (almost) get remarried just to get to pick out a dress! Tempted every time I pass the wedding dresses in Nordstrom…

  14. I am enamored of the fact you’re planning a simple affair, in City Hall. I think the weddings people plan these days are outrageously over-the-top, so I appreciate the discretion and appropriateness of this.

  15. Now this is fun! Really enjoying being included in all the preparations. I can just see that Nina Ricci on your beautiful figure. Also love the tape dress for an after party. Great taste and style!

    Yes, please show us the ring.

    1. Great idea… I worry that with the Tape dress, it will look so dated in a few years, and when people are looking at it in 20, 40, 50 years, they’ll have no idea about the tape. They’ll think that there was an accident on the way to the wedding.

    2. “dated in a few years”

      Meg and I must have had similar “practical” mothers who made the condition for purchase be that we MUST stand there in the dressing room and count out MANY wearable opportunities, or said garment wouldn’t be “worth” the purchase price. Sigh. Double triple sigh.

      With that in mind I just fainted when I saw this beauty in your Pretend Wedding file. Wow, it rules the world on its own, but [Hi Mom!] also worn as a tunic with closely fitted silk trousers and you’re at the San Francisco Opera opening night.

    3. I do love that dress too, but I am not going to be happy with something more than 1 inch above my knees…

  16. I love the Nina Ricci! Congratulations and have fun planning the wedding! Two of the blogs I am following are written by brides-to-be and it brings back great memories of last year :)

  17. The more you tell us the more we want! This is so much joyful fun! Everything sounds elegant yet understated and relaxed. (Wait- that’s the Proposal Ring… might we eventually see it? Pretty please.)

  18. Thank you for sharing all this with us, very generous of you. With your taste and flair it will be a lovely wedding.

  19. Interesting how voting seems to be running pretty even (not that your wedding is a democracy, but still). I like the Nina Ricci because if it was my wedding I’d like to look pretty and a bit sexy. The Christopher Kane looks a bit shapeless and like something that a certain type of woman would like, but not that would generally appeal to your groom (although I’m sure you’ve got an excellent groom and maybe he’d love it, or maybe it’s all about you feeling happy with what you’re in?).

    Also, I’d like to get married (to the same guy) every few years to pick a new dress and theme i.e. beach, a winter wedding etc. And to not have to pay for it. Right, that’s all.

    1. Turns out that the Nina Ricci is A-line and that’s not a good silhouette for me. Turns out that the Christopher Kane is semi-sheer, and could be altered to be less shapeless. So narrowing the options, no decision yet.

  20. I vote for the Nina Ricci dress — the Christopher Kane frock looks frumpysad. SF City Hall is so beautiful. My wife and I were married there in 2004 when marriage was legal for us for a couple months (and we wore suits from a local designer who has since gone out of business). So many great spots for photos inside and outside. Congrats!

  21. I am enjoying all of this from afar! And, I am so happy for you.

    Yes, simple, simple, simple.

    By the way, I’m planning a wedding too. Don’t let anyone tell you that having only sons means you will not be planning a wedding. Our younger son and his fiancee have asked to be married at our farm. Simple, simple, simple. That is my mantra too.

    You will look beautiful in either dress or in another if your eye is caught by another design.

    1. Exactly. Although my sister says I’m nuts and adults can be responsible for their own hydration.

  22. Looks like you are well underway with your plans. I guess I’m in the minority, but I think the tape dress is very pretty and summery. However, I don’t understand the water bottles either.

  23. Congratulations. I hope you enjoy both list making and the crossing off of items.
    Ps, my dress vote would be the Nina

  24. I love the tape dress! It’s chic and a little unexpected, elegant but light. I don’t think I like the lining on the Nina Ricci dress, as it stops at weird places.

  25. What? “Some flowers”? no, no, no. Maybe you don’t want a lot of flowers – it being a late flowering wedding and all. But, please, please find a florist who will make you a memorable bouquet. ‘some flowers’ just won’t hold up to that Nina Ricci dress. Contact Jane from Small But Charming or me for a floral referrall. We;re happy to help!

    1. I agree. That was a subdued WASPy way of saying spectacular flowers:). I have been in touch with a wonderful design. Thank you very much for caring!

  26. I love the Best Daughter and Best Son, and the Nina Ricci!
    Add facial a week before, and makeup artist day of, to your list.

  27. Oh my, this makes it very real. It’s extraordinary how very happy I am for you, I just keep coming back to that. And how many others feel the same way. I can only imagine how happy the Best Son & Best Daughter must be for you and the Groom-to-be.
    The Christopher Kane is stunning. As is the Nina Ricci. If forced to choose I would go for the CK, but you can’t go wrong with either. Or anything you select on a day such as this.

    Big, happy hugs at you, and gratitude for sharing a bit of the bliss with all of us. :)

  28. Congratulations on the happy occasion. It sounds like you have the situation well under control; every detail sounds perfect.
    –Road to Parnassus

  29. Such a gorgeous venue with its grand and lofty presence. And apparently quite popular for exchanging nuptial vows.

    Is music permitted as a ceremonial component? Not sure, since it is a public space. Saw no mention here and just wondering.

    1. I am considering music. I have a certain sort in mind, and it’s not easy to come by. We shall see!

  30. I’m going through securtity at SFO and what am I worrying about? Your hairstyle for the wedding. Have you thought of a charming, slightly messy French twist. The new way their doing it not the old tight French twist. Can you belive, me obsessing about your hair at your wedding?

  31. I like the Kane/ tape dress more of the two ( as if it matters ).

    But, somehow I have this faint memory, that when getting married the second time, the bride should choose a different color than white for the wedding dress.
    Maybe I´m totally wrong..

    1. I don’t think those old rules apply any longer. After all, the white of a wedding dress was supposed to symbolize virginity. Most brides still wear white, but most are not virginal. I think any color can be chosen for a second wedding and no eyebrows will be raised.

  32. Please, not the Kane. It looks like a craft project gone awry. I vote for the Nina Ricci, but hope that you keep looking. The secret to a happy marriage is the same as it is for shopping for a wedding dress…find the one you love, and then, for heaven’s sake STOP looking. Best of luck.

    1. I had Pinned this one too, but SO didn’t care for it, and it feels just a tad too much like something I might wear to work, at least in its structure. But thank you!

  33. Lisa,
    Here’s one more vote for the Nina Ricci. I understand the edgy, artsy of the tape dress — and I like it as an idea — but, as a garment, it is shapeless.

    I know it’s considered incorrect to congratulate a bride but “best wishes” is such a tepid sentiment. So please accept my heartfelt “conwishulations.”

    1. Thank you Susan. It was so kind of you and Martin to have me join your friends at your wedding. SO and I are keeping this very small, so the blog is my way of inviting this group of friends:).

  34. Lisa, I love your checklist. You are a no nonsense planner.
    You have inspired me as I’ve been trying to organize my wedding for a Tuesday in July. Maybe with a checklist like yours I can put this little shindig together in 6 weeks!
    BTW, I will be in SF the first weekend in August.
    If you have time, I’d love catch up over coffee.

  35. Yippee! I was working too much and missed this, and a lot of other things (and that is the summary of my life) but CONGRATULATIONS. How lovely, and I am happy for you.

Comments are closed.