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Lace Come Lately, Or, Saturday Morning at 9:17am

We’re planning a winter beach trip; I bought a new bathing suit? Why now? Come winter, good suits are a little tricky to come by.

Why a new one, at all? I don’t feel like wearing bikinis any more.

I do not dislike my body. But my age, and my priorities, have affected my belly. I’m 61. We may get stomachy in our 60s, more importantly, I’m trying to write a novel. This takes up much of my focus and intent, to say nothing of the large part of my mornings. I exercise only enough to be able to approximate health – if my walks and at-home yoga were chin-ups I’d be doing elbow-ups at best. So, I got blub. A little chubber blub.

“Hey babe.” I talk to her. But she doesn’t need a parade.

It was funny, though, bathing suit shopping. First, let’s reiterate that online is best, especially with free returns. Browse freely – I skip anything with a high leg, or underwire, or halter ties that will inevitably come undone in the sea. Order what you like, try in your own living room with your own lighting.

But second, and High WASP forebears cover your ears, I realized I have an agenda. Not to say that I don’t own an I Just Want To Swim And I Have Acceptable Taste suit, I do.

From J. Crew, two years ago.

Black, long torso, ruching, straps. Very functional if you don’t swim race laps. But in looking for a bikini replacement I realized the two-pieces were about audacity. Like, Yes I Am Old And I Have Gray Hair But Damn Straight I Am Female. Do not go gently. I want to balance the black suit’s full serving of Appropriate.

So here’s what I bought, last week. I am well-nigh embarrassed. Young me would NEVER have worn lace to swim. It’s trashy, says the Grande Dame, our unspeaking ghost queen of rules.

Yeah well.

I believe in courtesy, kindness, but also in a constant pushing on one’s own boundaries and the gradual erosion of constraints around how women – in particular – should behave. Never too late for a little flash and trash. Next, gold toenails?

In writing today I understood that an inferred dictate against undergarment details on a bathing suit is truly trivial. And yet how deeply ingrained the shame. Plain crazy. Growing up is great.

Have an excellent weekend.

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47 Responses

  1. I do gold toenails, and silver, and a peacock blue iridescent with huge pleasure, especially in the summer when I love having feet out on display. A one-piece is a glorious thing and I have a black one with halter ties that I am fond of, for the few times that I go to the beach or lie by a pool. My preferred beach style would be Deauville about 1930. I hope you enjoy every second of the lace.

  2. Well cool. I’m all for pushing one’s boundaries and perhaps letting go of some of those inner voices. Many of the ancestral. rules seem to be more about keeping people constrained into narrow roles, and even more, about keeping people out. I think being kind is far more important, and the way we behave far more telling than anything we chose to wear. Go for the lace and enjoy every moment of it. I can’t imagine you being trashy no matter what you chose to wear.

    I haven’t managed gold or silver nails yet. Navy blue toenails are about as daring as I get. And they make me smile every single day.

    1. @Mardel, “I can’t imagine you being trashy no matter what you chose to wear.” And so I am encouraged in so many ways. Thank you. We do need most of all to break down the ancestral rules that were about exclusion.

  3. I like the swim suit and I think that you will wear it well, very well…perhaps even more now than when you were not as aware of just how great growing up would be.

    Not as much to hide as we grow…and, even if there is something to hide…
    NO, nothing to hide! The others can just grow up! Actually, we’ll help the others as we continue to surprise ourselves, yes?

    Of course, you already do that!

  4. Great suit. The lace adds a nice unexpected twist. Love the long lean look. I am sure you will wear it well. Go for the toe color in whatever shade makes you happy. Today nail color ranges widely – anything goes. My view is, if we can’t please ourselves, why bother? A winter tropical escape sounds glorious.

    1. @Susan, I am so pleased you like the suit. And yes, at this point, if we cannot please ourselves why bother. The tropical escape seems to have become a bi-annual tradition. At least for this decade:).

  5. That dark red suit is just beautiful ! The only reason I wouldn’t wear it is that I go in for Speedo ‘serious’ suits these days since pretty/expensive ones get dunked in chlorine too often to last long – we live a delightful short walk from a pool which is open 7 days a week in the early morning . Gold toenails are for next year – this year I went in for copper glitter because it looked terrific with olive green sandals .

    1. @Rukshana Afia, Copper and olive green sandals:). I admit, I haven’t swum for exercise since I was 18. Love to paddle about, bob in the waves, but rarely lap swim. I know that people who do it absolutely love it.

  6. I have had the stomach I imagine you currently have since I was 8! Embrace the 1 piece (or the long tankini). It just occurred to me that this is one of the body changes I won’t be shocked by when I’m 61. :-)

  7. Ha. Growing up is great? I’ll let you know when I get there. I am and have always hated wearing a bathing suit…since I was thirteen. And that feeling hasn’t changed a bit.
    Short, thickish torso and long skinny legs… look not so good in a bikini. Or in any bathing suit actually. At 62, I’m not ashamed of my body; I do the best I can with it. I exercise almost every day, try to stay fit. But we are our mother’s daughters and genetics say that I will have a wide torso with a moderately protuberant belly (as long as I keep exercising) and skinny legs. So, not a bathing suit body. But it looks fierce in a pair of boot cut jeans. We take what we can get, eh?

    1. @Sue Burpee, We take what we can get. And you sure as heck do look fierce in the bootcut jeans, so, I will take your word for it that bathing suits aren’t your thing.

  8. I miss my old beach — which wasn’t just “ours,” of course, but I could scoot to it from my front door in 30 seconds and generally find only a few of the neighbours there. Now, in the city, if I want to swim (and I don’t want to give that up yet), I have to get used to the idea of exposing my swimsuit-clad body to the public eye, and I don’t much like it. . .
    So/But/And I applaud you trailblazers, willing to dare bikinis or lace — in fact, you can distract the eyes and I’ll be sneaking into the water at the other end of the pool ;-)

    1. @Frances, Every time my body changes I have to get used to the public eye again one way or another.

      And right there is an entire thesis. xoxox. I suspect you look fantastic.

  9. It’s cute, more like a sunning suit than a swim suit. You might take a dip in it and see how that stretchy lace does when it’s wet. Will you pack another suit for more sporty water activities?

    1. @RoseAG, The black J. Crew works just fine for stand up paddle boarding, which is as sporty as I am likely to get. Glad you find the red one cute!

  10. I’m still making peace with my sixty-one year-old belly. Once a handsome Englishman approached me on a plane and said, “Madame you have the flattest abdomen I have ever seen”. I smiled knowingly. Now it’s the biggest thing I own. I’m inspired by all of your self-acceptance.

    The suit is gorgeous and will look amazing on you!

    Luci

    1. @luci, That compliment is fantastic, funny, and also maybe a little horrific? Perfect for an airplane:).

      And thank you. This blog has been a spectacular vehicle for self-acceptance.

  11. I love the cut of the suit. I have a suit with a top like yours, that covers my chest and I like it a lot. The lace is unexpected but it looks like a very good suit and I don’t find it trashy at all. I never wear nail polish or toenail polish – I prefer the natural buffed look on both. The suit is a great color too. I had a surprising request from my husband for this year’s vacation – no black swimsuit! So I got two new suits – one is fuchsia and the other, turquoise. Hmmmm.

    1. @Jb, Glad you like it! And we’re going back to Hawaii. The hard-working people in my family need rest and relaxation.

  12. I lol’d reading this. I recently reunited with a friend of a similar high WASP background and every so often we talk about how FREE we feel doing certain things but we’re so glad our grandmothers and great aunts aren’t around to see. I almost got thrown out of the clan for living on the lower east side and having blue toenails I. The early 80s. Now it’s regarded as part of my charm.

  13. Brava! It takes courage to live life to the fullest and leave this world without regrets for what we didn’t do.

  14. That ruddy suit, the color & texture is spectacular, I love it! Very fond of any swim choices that are NOT black tank suits & their kin. Note though, lace & mesh inserts tend to permit pop-thru’s of fingers & nails. A favorite one-shouldered mesh-y suit died on a vacation due to over enthusiastic off-n-on’s, FYI.

  15. Your new suit is great! Wasn’t there a flowered suit a couple of years ago?

    I’ve moved to a house I bought and as of August 1 I belong to a Y with a lap pool. I can’t wait to start swimming again. I love it more than anything. No fashion suits for me. I wear the cheapest ones I can find in Marshall’s. Unless fabrics have improved since I last swam regularly 20 years ago, anything I buy will disintegrate after a couple of months.

    1. @Marie, How wonderful to be looking ahead to finding something you love again. And if you swim regularly, of course you need function above and beyond all else.

      I had a flowered suit, when I was in my early 50s, it was a bikini. There were sequins involved…

  16. What’s wrong with golden toenails :-)? I have Coca-Cola Red (that’s a name) now
    Your swim suit is lovely – a nice colour-it must suit you great
    I prefer bikinis (tankinis would be better) with retro high pants,although I swim a lot
    All the former body problems seem to disappear once I’m on the beach-I don’t have to compare myself with toned twenty something
    Have a beautiful weekend
    Dottoressa

    1. @dottoressa, It’s just a lifelong cultural hangover – too shiny is too much;). It isn’t really, I’m throwing off the shackles. I am so glad you love the beach and swimming, must feel so free.

  17. I think you will be able to get away with this one, no problem. Due to my ancient bladder, a tankini is a more useful suit for me.

  18. Is it a little bit trashy? Maybe. Who knows? Who cares? Will you feel great? Yes. Go for it. Congratulations. I’ve been embracing a bit of trashiness – hello, leopard-print jeans. Because if we don’t do it now, then when? And who does it hurt? Nobody.

  19. Great suit, great color – and the high neckline keeps it from being “trashy.” I’ll bet it looks great on you!

    But aren’t you worried about the strange tan lines all that lace will leave on your sun-kissed body?

    1. @Victoire, I thought about the tan;). I guess I’ll just sunscreen under, or, stay in the shade, which is my usual tactic. Thank you for the vote of non-trashy confidence.

  20. I don’t think its trashy at all…quite pretty in fact…
    I have my toes painted California raspberry an OPI shade. Gold toes might be fun! Life is too short take the plunge and go for the fun factor!
    My mid section is widening despite sensible eating and walking…my mom had the same issue as did my grandmother…we can try and fight genetics but often that drags us down…so I am trying to silence the negative thoughts and embrace aging with grace.

    1. @Leslie Anne Lord, I find negative thoughts best silenced by developing a very very bossy positive voice:). And you are one of the least trashy people I know, so, I feel the question has been put to bed! Thank you!

  21. I really like your suit! I’m sure it looks great on you. My suit is very austere and black. For me and my body, I would choose a very low neckline, but we all have different priorities. I’m just impressed you are swimsuit shopping!

    1. @Susan D., A very low neckline was another alternative. Lots of those around BTW. As for swimsuit shopping – online is SO easy! And I knew I needed a second one, so why put it off:).

  22. Nothing makes me feel more Scottish than this exotic post. Swimsuits are not really part of wardrobe considerations in the niche of Scottish life I inhabit (think hillwalking, long distance trail walking, gardening in all weathers. Sturdy stuff.) Perhaps paddling in the icy North Sea on occasion. So I don’t really have a swimsuit frame of reference, but your lace suit looks very French chic to me, worn with elegance on the long golden beaches of the south west, or perhaps the Île de Ré.

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